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kingchestnutsroastinonanopenfire:

Wizards can make fun of muggles all they want but the joke’s on them because phones can do in two seconds what they use owls and high-level magic to do, AND we have tanks. Try to avada kedavra a tank you stick-wiggling nerds

16 hours ago / via and source + 117412

16 hours ago / via and source + 129803

thats-slightly-raven:

when i was 4 my dad asked me what i wanted to be when i grow up and i replied ‘daddy i want to be a cheesecake’ it’s been 12 fucking years and no one has let me forget it 

16 hours ago / via and source + 134758

Don’t share work-in-progress with non-writers. Indeed, don’t even discuss it. Think of work-in-progress as an egg around which the shell has not yet hardened. I told my wonderful husband, a newspaper editor, my idea for a scene I wanted to write. ‘It sounds like a cliché to me,’ he said. I winced—but as an editor on a daily deadline, his job is to derail weak ideas before they waste anyone’s time. As a fiction writer, mine is to trust my ideas, follow them around dark corners and see what turns up. Thankfully, I wrote my scene. The story won a prize that took me to Russia, ran in a top literary magazine, and was published in my first book. —Dylan Landis (via mttbll)
16 hours ago / via and source + 6684

kanyewesticle:

i dont ship…i yacht. im not a low budget bitch

16 hours ago / via and source + 589351

I don’t chase people anymore. I learned that I’m here, and I’m important. I’m not going to run after people to prove that I matter. —EY  (via dressrosas)
16 hours ago / via and source + 119496

abeautyinyourresistance:

all i want is an apartment in a city and a decent job, a dog, wifi and a tv, and someone to have sex with

17 hours ago / via and source + 131794

ifyouaintdutchyouaintmuch:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

17 hours ago / via and source + 96592

armadillo:

i dont care WHAT you say or if im a grown man i will not give up my swing for your 3 year old son he can fucking wait his turn

17 hours ago / via and source + 277727

earthdad:

the rise and fall

17 hours ago / via and source + 115539

bekstek:

mintike:

IM GOING TO STAB MYSELF IN THE FOOT I JUST SENT MY ENGLISH TEACHER MY ESSAY ON HAMLET AND IT WAS STILL NAMED “the fresh prince of denmark yo holla”

oh man, i love receiving unedited final drafts:

image

image

cracks me up every time

17 hours ago / via and source + 490218

17 hours ago / via and source + 29350

17 hours ago / via and source + 392

17 hours ago / via and source + 117

17 hours ago / via and source + 1448